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Title: Behavioral Misconception
Pairing: Clay Aiken/Ryan Seacrest
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Ryan, Clay, or Raleigh.


------



His eyes were blazed of fury and disgust, the innocently gray-jade eyes that once were always soft, gentle, calm. It scared you to see such a change, a subtle change that brought you freezing at the spot, quivering in fear. His lips that gave scorching to light kisses on your skin were pursed into a thin line tightly, as though it was trying to hold the words ready to spill out in frenzied incense. He shifted a bit and turned to gaze at the window of your bedroom, as you sat rigidly on your bed. That's when you noticed his knuckles were blushing white and trembling vigorously. He gave a strangled gasp as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Why did you do it?" The question was simple, and the voice was small, strained with agonizing shock and disappointment. You felt your whole body turning cold at the inquiry, the simple little thing spoken.

"I..I don't know, Clay," you stutter, your mind buzzing of many half-finished excuses and explanations, none which provided a satisfying answer. You look down at your hands you suddenly feel the need to crumple to the floor and beg Clay for forgiveness. But you didn't. No, you stayed rooted at the spot.

"Do you love me?" There was a shake in his voice, and you could tell it was filled with apprehension and misery. The insecurities that were yours emphasized your stupidity upon the man standing in front of you, still staring at the window. You looked there too only to see a bright scarlet leaf fall from its branches.

"I do love you," you answer in a whisper. And before you could stop yourself, you said the two most infamous words, "I'm sorry."

"You don't love me." The statement was steely and all wavering emotions were frozen into blocks of ice as he turned his head sharply at you. You are startled by the sudden movement and squirm uncomfortably. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have gone and cheated with..with that slut."

"It- it was supposed to be a stunt.. My producer wanted something to-" you were cut off from the excuse that instinctively flew from your mouth.

"But you had to actually SLEEP with her?" his voice rose to a crescendo as he gave a look intangible for descriptions. The one that would most likely match would be downright disgust. "And you didn't tell me? Why couldn't you have just said 'No'?" The questions were obvious, evident ones which could not be answered with dignity. At least, not by you.

"I..I'm sorry," you whisper again. You meant it, you truly did, but the question was whether Clay believed it or not. Judging by the look on his face, you knew he didn't. He had built up such trust for you and you tore it down carelessly.

"It's..it's over Ryan," Clay murmured, he looked away from you again but you could see his eyes had dulled to a dejected depression. He turned his heel and walked away as you stared at his back, wanting desperately to say something to stop him, or at least buy you some more time. But no, you watched as he left your house, left your life, forever. You sat there for long moments, time had halted to a cruel stop.

There was a faint wind whistling, followed by the multicolored leaves of autumn.


~*~*~*


Click.

Your eyes followed hungrily, watching from the flowerbed of Clay's home in Raleigh, as he unlocked his door and walked in. Your eyes fixated on the lean, slim legs that were covered in baggy denim jeans, the hazy memory of those legs tangled around your hips imagined in a low hum. The face was flushed from the winter heat giving it a pink rosy color on the cheeks as his eyes glittered like the virgin snow, his hair looking so wonderfully soft. You wanted to run your fingers through that hair once more, tug at those roots as you planted a steady kiss. Your thoughts quickly shifted as you watched him bite his lower lip as he walked inside with his bag of groceries.

Although it was a frigid winter, you walked to a window as usual and watched intently, the cold long forgotten. He placed the brown bags on the counter as he took off his coat, shaking his head to rid himself of the white flakes resting on his magnificent crown. You examined what he was wearing, which was a bulky green/red sweater that perfectly matched his eyes. He gave a joyous laugh as Raleigh came trotting along, barking happily for her owner's return. She licked his face as he pulled her up and she nuzzled his blushed cheek. For the moment, you can't help but feel envious of the dog, which was still fairly small.

Clay lowered Raleigh down and went to the counter, retrieving a can of dog food from one of the bags. He crouched low, his back in your view, and you can't help but notice the defined ass showing from the too-baggy jeans. You had the urge to grab it, squeeze it, trail along it with your lubed finger..As you reached toward that little hole..

You shook your head, and watched intently as Clay stood up to unpack the food and materials into the fridge or closet. You noticed how he always seemed to put vegetables tucked in the deep corners of the refrigerator, while he kept all the juice and fruit up front. The things like snacks and donuts were always on the counter where it was easily accessible. There were other little quirks you hadn't noticed while with him. He had the tendency to close the refrigerator door with his left foot and the right side of his hips were always tilting upward slightly whenever he washed the dishes. He had the habit of biting his lip or his expression would change out of nowhere, as though he was running through a series of differing thoughts. Whenever he talked on the phone, it was always put on his right ear and he liked to switch it often. If he was cleaning, he would sprawl on the floor to clean underneath the dirty spots, his legs in a tangled position. Clay would always watch TV sitting curled up with Raleigh, who did not mind sitting on the lap of her master.

As Clay disappeared to the dining room, you crouched low and crawled to the next window, watching expectantly. He set out his dinner and ruffled Raleigh's fur as he made his way back to the kitchen to grab a few things. He returned with a dreamy smile on his face, his jade eyes twinkling with brightness. The distant sound of a phone ringing fell unto your ears and you watched as he picked it up, his left hand in his pocket as he rocked back and forth in his white socks.

"Hello?" he asked. The smile stretched wider. "Cameron! How's the trip? Fine? Okay.."

He prowled around the dining room, sliding a bit on the tiled floor with his socks. Clay still had his hand in his pocket as his body leaned sideways on the doorframe leading to the living room. You can't help watch in envy as his hips rub against the frame as he got off it to watch into the living room. Raleigh was munching on her bowl when she halted and looked up at the very window you were staring out. Fear struck your heart which evolved to panic when the dog began to bark loudly. It raced over to the window and clawed it, growling and barking.

You hide away quickly and you could hear Clay shouting above his dog's barks.

"Raleigh! Raleigh, what's the matter?"

You were right underneath the window and pressed your ear to listen better.

"What's wrong? Is something there? Oh..hold on Cameron- Raleigh, stop! Stop barking! RALEIGH!"

Understanding the danger of being caught, you snuck away steadily as you could hear Clay try to calm his terrier down.


~*~*~*


A sigh wavers in the frigid air, casting the billowing clouds of whiteness to circulate and disperse. The jabbing pain in your chest left your eyes scorching and misting with tears, your hands trembling as you gasp a choke. He had moved on a week ago, yet the pain was still as vivid and fresh as the first snowfall. You couldn't help but curl up into a ball, the camouflaging cloak and mittens not enough to warm the ice trickling from your bleeding heart. Cameron was a boyish man, younger than Clay by only a year. From what you learned watching, you knew they went out twice. Yet Clay seemed to be flying on Cloud 9. It frustrated you, it anguished you. He had indeed moved on.

The pathetic-ness of the situation was ignored as you wiped away a stray tear falling. You crawled on the crushed snow, the zephyr blaring against your pink cheeks. You heard Raleigh's barking grow louder and you hid in your secret hiding place, the bushes near the front door step, which were quite large and frozen. You waited until Raleigh had quieted to watch again, the old fear of having Clay see him like this returning as fast as a spilled vial.

You heard a soft sound, melodious and warm. The barking ceased and you knew he was singing. Your heart fell knowing he would never sing for you again, resting forehead on forehead as they tangle their arms and legs together like the perfect puzzle, the lullaby cradling you and him fast asleep. You knew he would not move back to LA, he would stay here in New York.

But if you were not allowed to touch him, at least you could watch him and listen to him. The daily cravings would burden to spouts of insanity if he was away on for publicity. Sometimes you would follow him to the airport and everywhere, with a simple disguise that could fool fans. Other times you do not for even Clay would not know where he would be going. But a day without him felt like he had ached for thirst in the desert for five years.

You crawl out of the bush, rustling snow onto the ground, and go back to watching discreetly from the windows, admiring the handsome being.


~*~*~*



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