“Just a second, Clay!” Ryan called out from his place on the corner of the stage, going over some final details on the next day’s show from the producer.

Clay twisted his hands nervously. He wasn't good at waiting, especially not when this much was at stake. He’d finally decided to tell Ryan the way he felt, how it seemed like everything was roses and beauty and all those other overused phrases to describe true love. It should have been the most exciting moment of his life—instead, it was the most terrifying. There really wasn’t any way for him to know if Ryan felt the same way. In fact, he really doubted it. But Clay had finally realized that there was no way for him to keep it all inside any longer. And, you know, sexual reasons…he was, after all, a guy in his mid twenties…what was he supposed to do?

A tap on his shoulder sent Clay jumping straight up.

“Clay? Are you okay? You seem nervous.”

“Yeah, Ryan, I’m fine. You just scared me a little is all,” Clay calmly responded, even though the voices in his head were screaming at him to run away, run away!

“Clay. I consider us to be pretty good friends now, don’t you?” Ryan queried, a look of concern on his face.

“Yeah, Ryan, of course I do.”

“Well, Clay,” Ryan went on, “tell me what’s bothering you. I might not know how to fix it, but I can listen.”

“Look, Ryan, nothing’s wrong,” Clay said. “But, anyway, I had a question for you. I’m having some trouble understanding this new hair the stylist gave me…I was wondering if you could help me learn how to do it? I mean, I’ve never done anything like this before with my hair, and it’s so confusing, and yours, I mean, it looks so good all the time…I just wish my hair could look half as good as yours does and I just know you could help me so maybe sometime you could help me?” Clay took a moment to catch his breath and looked up at Ryan bashfully.

“Sure, Clay, it’s no problem. We can meet up in a few minutes. Just let me tell somebody where I’m going, and it’ll be fine. If I help you now, you can still catch up to Ruben and Kim before they head out for the night.”

Clay smiled a little and accepted the offer. Watching Ryan walk towards his dressing room, Clay realized what he had done. Ryan didn’t understand that Clay was interested in him. So much for getting up the nerve to talk to him. Clay couldn’t even manage to ask him out properly!

Screwing up his shoulders and calling on whatever gods were listening, Clay took a deep breath and shouted, “Ryan!”

Turning quickly on his heel, Ryan sauntered back towards Clay. “Yeah? What’s the matter, Clay?”

This was it. If Clay didn’t tell him how he felt right then, there wouldn’t be another chance. Clay refused to let another opportunity go. Gently taking a hold of Ryan’s wrist, Clay began talking...

“Ryan, I gotta tell you, I’m not real good at this…”

“Good at what, Clay?”

“Seducing,” Clay replied, blushing a little.

“That was seducing? The whole hair thing?”

“Yeah, Ryan, that’s what it was. I’m just really not good at it.”

“Wow. Clay. Well, I’m flattered…” Ryan replied, trailing off.

The warning bells were clanging loudly in Clay’s head. He did the only thing he could think to do—retreat.

“Oh. Wow. Okay, well, I’m just gonna…yeah…I’m just gonna go find something to crawl into…Seen any really deep holes around here? You know what,” Clay stammered, holding up his hands, “don’t answer that. I’ll be going now. Really…”

Clay turned swiftly on his heel, walking quickly in hopes of saving what little pride he had left—And promptly fell off the edge of the stage.

“Ow ow ow ow ow!” Clay lay prone on his back, staring up at the house lights. Maybe if he stared at them long enough, one might fall from the ceiling and put him out of his misery.

“Clay? Are you okay?”

Maybe not. Closing his eyes for just a second, Clay gathered himself and looked up at Ryan, who was peering off the edge of the stage. ‘Damn him and his balance!’ Clay thought.

“Fine, Ryan, I’m just fine. Just leave me a lone and let me die of embarrassment in peace.”

Clay closed his eyes and waited to hear Ryan’s footsteps as he walked away. He didn’t know how he would face Ryan at the taping the next day. Maybe he could just quit. Teaching wasn’t such a bad career. He loved teaching…But after a taste of stardom, he knew he couldn’t go back. At this point, though, did he really have a choice? The man he cared for so much, the only man he’d ever really wanted, didn’t want him back. All that was left to do now was to go home and start over.

Taking a deep breath, Clay started to sit up—and was forced back down by a boot on his chest. His eyes followed the boot up until he met a pair of eyes—Ryan’s.

“Did you really think I’d let you go just like that?”

The pain and confusion was clearly visible in Clay’s eyes as Ryan knelt down beside him. He pulled Clay up into a sitting position and looked into his eyes.

“Clay,” he breathed, “you’re right. You’re not very good at the seducing thing. But,” he quickly continued, placing two fingers over Clay’s lips, lightly brushing them, “I’m good enough for the both of us.”

Clay couldn’t keep the ear splitting grin off his face as he tilted toward Ryan. Brushing his lips slightly against the older man’s, Clay whispered, “We’ll make due.”



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